i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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