I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
