I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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