I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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