remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
