Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
