i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
