Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
