I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
