My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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