Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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