guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
