so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
