Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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