you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
