Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Operation Purity has been aborted
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
