can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's shark week go big or go home
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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