What did we do last night that was yellow?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
