Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
