been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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