And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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