Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
