i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
