I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
