if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I AM VODKA MAN
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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