Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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