Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
