So drunk its hurt
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
