I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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