youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
