Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
