walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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