hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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