K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
