I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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