Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
