oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
