I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
