The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
