pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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