12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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