I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
