She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
