My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
