she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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