every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
