took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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