I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
