was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
