I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
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