Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i permit you to call me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
